I often spend my coffee break in the morning checking the trending videos on YouTube to distract me from the weight of the day ahead. This morning a title caught my eye, “Why Love requires Generosity”. It didn’t draw me in because it is a new concept but more because I was surprised to see it there among new hit music videos, epic Go-Pro footage, and YouTube celebrity vlogs. We seem to have a distanced fascination with the concept of love, so why is it trending? I think it’s because they tap into something in the video many don’t quite understand of themselves.
“The will to be generous isn’t weakness, it’s charity towards the partner’s frailties…”
Around the 30 second mark, they state “Although we make look like adults, in many ways we remain children… Like children, we are not always able to diagnose and communicate what is really bothering us.” At times it is so difficult for us to even understand how we are feeling, let alone our partner. They then have a short scene where the partner is saying one thing and subtitles are telling what they really mean. We’ve seen these sort of clips before when the director is trying to key in a husbands need to identify that she is wanting to be pursued or better understood, that you need to press in and not give up; this video takes a different approach. Perhaps they don’t actually know the reason they are responding the way they do.
My wife and I have spent a significant amount of time asking the question, “why do I act/respond/think the way I do”. We work through it together, often staying up well past midnight determined to not go to bed until we’ve gotten somewhere. It has taken a lot of selflessness and generosity on both our parts and we know we have many, many years ahead going through the same process as we learn more and more about both ourselves and each other. Be a student of your spouse. Take the time to listen and over time you will find it easier to respond with love and empathy rather than anger and frustration.
“Although it is gratifying to be admired, we will finally have tasted love when it is our weaknesses that inspire a kindly response.”